Technologically Impaired
by ZGory
Summary: For the god of thunder and Captain America, sometimes the greatest enemy is Tony's kitchen.


A/N: I don't actually think Thor and Steve would have so much trouble with appliances. I just thought about which appliances tend to be the most problematic. And then I sprinkled some crack on that idea.

Another fill from the kinkmeme which asked for times Thor and Steve broke some of Tony's appliances and then the one time they fixed one. The last one before the plus one was based off of a meme that I hated. I seriously could not look at the appliance in question without my vision going red.

* * *

**5.**  
Tony sat on the couch with his cup of coffee enjoying the relative quiet in the mansion. As he lifted the cup to his mouth, he heard a crash right before something obliterated his cup. He cried out as the steaming liquid got all over him.

He then screamed again as he saw that the mystery object had proceeded to smash into his 72" 1080p flat screen television on the wall. Inspecting the object, he found that it was a little plastic hammer with an LED screen flashing the time.

He whipped around to peer through the entrance hole and almost fainted to see that the object had traveled through three other walls. Catching a glimpse of red, he knew who the culprit was.

"Who the **fuck **thought it was a good idea to give Thor a throw alarm clock?"

**4.**  
Tony stood flabbergasted at the entrance to the kitchen. Steve was airing out thick black smoke that was continuously streaming out of what was once Tony's state of the art microwave.

He peered inside to the blob of whatever Steve had tried to heat up. Recognizing some of the remains, he face palmed. "Didn't someone tell you that putting aluminum in the microwave was bad?"

Steve's face reddened. "I thought it would cook faster that way."

"Didn't the sparks tell you otherwise?"

Steve chooses not to answer.

**3.**  
Tony shook his head as he shook out the now defunct 4 slice toaster. The 8 packets of charred Strawberry Pop Tarts fell out in a burned clump along with the knife that had been used to retrieve them.

He raised an eyebrow at the sheepish looking Thor. "You just couldn't wait, could you."

**2.**  
What alerted Tony to his next broken appliance was Thor's cry of grief. He wandered over to the kitchen to find the curious sight of the god kneeling before the counter, coffee machine cradled to his chest like a newborn child.

Steve saw Tony enter as well as the questioning look on his face. "Um, sorry. I noticed how dirty the heating plate was, and I was trying to clean it. I didn't notice that it was on until it started sizzling." He rubbed the back of his neck. "And now it doesn't work."

Thor's sob spoke of how massive a tragedy this was.

**1.**  
Tony whistled cheerfully as he poured the batter into the waffle iron and then sprinkled chocolate chips into the mix. There was nothing like making breakfast on a wonderfully calm and sunny Saturday morning.

As he lowered the top lid to let the batter cook, a boom of thunder alerted his attention to the window. His eyebrows drew together as he observed the storm clouds that were quickly gathering outside.

"Could've sworn the weather man said clear skies today," he muttered. He shrugged and turned back to his waffle iron.

"TONY STARK!" boomed a voice. Tony clutched at his chest and turned to the kitchen entrance where Thor stood with a dark expression on his face.

Tony blew out a breath. "Hey there, buddy. Didn't think it was possible for you to sneak up on me like that." He pointed to the stormy weather outside. "Is that you? Cause I was really looking forward to eating out-"

Thor took a commanding step forward. "Where is your waffle iron?"

Tony never thought an inquiry about a kitchen appliance could be so terrifying. "Uh, it's right here," he gestured to the device. "Are you finally thinking of upgrading from Pop Tarts?" Cause- WHAT THE HELL!"

The second Tony had pointed out the appliance Thor had grabbed it by the handle and yanked it out of the wall. To Tony's continued horror, he violently threw it on the ground and proceeded to stomp on it several times with his full weight (which created a horrible dent in the tiled floor) all while growling. Adding insult to injury, he summoned Mjolnir and used it to smash the remaining pieces. Finally, he pointed the hammer at the appliance and an unnecessary amount of lightning lit what used to be a waffle iron on fire.

"NOTHING defiles my brother in such a debase manner!" growled Thor as he shook Mjolnir at the destroyed waffle iron

Tony's mouth hung wide open throughout this violent and seemingly personal attack. And now his brain was whirring as he soaked in these words. There were things that he wanted to say to Thor on this point: 1. That would be really unsanitary, 2. How would you even _do_ that with a waffle iron? (Actually, he did know, but the thought was making his brain catch on fire faster than the waffle iron had), 3. Loki probably had his own batch of magical waffle irons if that's what he was into, and 4. Go and talk to your brother instead of taking it out on my breakfast.

The incomprehensible garbled noises were supposed to communicate all of these thoughts. Instead what he actually asked was, "Why'd it have to be **my** waffle iron?"

**+1**  
Tony read the newspaper as he sat at his kitchen counter. He wasn't that engrossed in it and was therefore aware of both Steve and Thor filing into the area single file with Steve holding something behind his back.

He lowered the paper just as Steve placed the object on the counter between them. It was a blender with a red bow tied around it.

Tony raised an eyebrow and gestured to the appliance with the now rolled up newspaper. "What's all this about?"

Steve cleared his throat. "Well it's a gift and an apology rolled into one."

"An apology from you? As in, you've somehow offended me and are making up for it? Well this is a treat."

Steve plowed ahead. "We both feel bad for all of the things we've broken and so we tried fixing one for you."

"Aye," chimed in Thor. "We observed that you seem to favor this particular machine for making beverages."

"So Thor got some of the more vital parts magically reinforced so that it would last you longer."

"And Steven assembled it to proper working order."

Tony looked at the duo and then picked up the blender, turning it around in his hands. He looked it up and down and peered inside. Satisfied that it seemed to be in proper working order, he gave the two a nod of approval. "How about we test this baby out?"

The duo watch anxiously as Tony puts the ingredients for a smoothie into the blender and places the top on. He turns it on, and they all exhale in relief as the device functions as it should...almost too well.

"Holy crap, this thing blends like a dream," remarks Tony as the blender is barely on for two seconds before the contents have already blended smoothly together. He grins. "Thank your magic guy for me."

"My brother shall be glad to hear it."

Both Tony and Steve freeze. Tony is the first to speak. "Um, Thor. Please tell me that you have another brother who's really good at magic."

Before Thor can reply in the negative, the blender starts to whirl around ominously. The cap comes flying off, and the three Avengers are soon covered in the contents of the appliance. The blender rips free from the wall and flies around the room with the blade still whirring menacingly. Thor promptly smashes it down, and it twitches on the floor like a fly whose wings have been plucked.

As the trio stare at the blender, Tony licks some of the smoothie from the corner of his mouth and nods at the taste. Both of his teammates are watching him apprehensively. "A for effort, guys. But I'll just stick to a Sears model next time."


End file.
